The Relationship Paradox

The University experience consists of 4 (in some cases 5 and in some freak cases 3.5 years :P ) turbulent years where we fight everything from teenage angst, generation gaps, "old" age (like mastering physics in year four!) and believe it or not attainment of "puberty" for some! :P In all likelihood the people who were standing with you at the starting line and those who promised would be your BFF for HEA(thats happily ever after!) would disappear somewhere in between. It often makes me wonder how forever is reduced to the time taken by the other person to bore/irritate/annoy/cheat on/lie to you. Interpersonal relationships become a matter of convenience. Sometimes the drift is so gradual, so painfully slow that when it hits you that you have lost a friend, you can only gasp for breathe and kick with all force to stay afloat. In some cases that i have witnessed other people go through, it is almost like while hurling down at breakneck speed you lose your parachute. and then there is the black, disgusting, corroding void. You try and fill it with others, try and keep yourself occupied. Call it alone time/self realization/recovery/enlightenment or any other fancy word your vocabulary can churn up. But it doesn't help.

The beauty of the human psyche is that it is programmed to adapt and recover. We wail, sob, complain, crib and do whatever we can to take the load off. We even go through five stages of university grief. 1) It's all his/her fault. 2) Why should I make the first move? 3)Add random new people on FB 4) Try like crazy to get another BFF 5) Move on like nothing happened. So yeah we pick up the pieces and mend it the best way we can and give it's responsibility to another person and hope with all our might that this time it stays. But we know better don't we. In this melee we will encounter various shades of a person. How many of us can remember our equation with a friend being the same all through university? Lucky if you do. You were spared the horror. So yeah we see our happy endings wither away eroded by time while new promises of forever emerge almost when you least expect it. Is it how life is going to be? A series of trysts and try outs because we need to belong? and then there is the thought. Could I have held on a little longer, a little tighter? I guess relationships are meant to be fluid. Sometimes you might lose out on who you thought would last. But in some other strange, balancing way you last with someone who you never thought would. So let me leave you tonight with a thought

"I do not promise to be friends for ever, I can only make your memories last"

ciao

I heart Conversations...

You know the thing about words is, they are very very tangible. Sometimes they hit you hard, where it hurts the most. They bring even the giants among men to their knees and create a small but incriminating spasm of self doubt within. But sometimes, which we fondly remember, we all have pleasantly preserved little words strung together by another person, said to us by means of either purpose or jest, passion or emotion which leaves us with an indelible mark on our psyche. Words that fill us with a warm glow from the inside , and some even leave behind a smile long after those words were said. So words are very very tangible indeed.

But words by themselves mean much less, it is their collective strength that make meaningful conversations. Your ability to converse is the most important social asset that you might posses. Unfortunately if you are a (pardon the language but nothing fits better) dumb-fuck, then it is self- damaging! In a day we make a bunch of conversations. Most of them are mundane and routine even. While some might involve some wit, a little bit of repartee, some flirtation even. Or on some popular lists, Sex or Shit. (I believe shit is easy to guess because its universal, i guess sex is too!). But what i enjoy the most are the memorable and striking ones, that make you laugh genuinely and that is usually replayed again and again once we are away from the scenario to search for subtle hints from where we make up scenarios and live happily ever after :D. The beauty of it is that these conversations generally make you feel good about yourselves. Its not flattery but a generous appreciation. I can recall the most favourites of my conversations, (and some silences as well ;) ) and from all those moments, i can recall an adorable vulnerability that sweeps over us. We become more open as if we want to fuel the conversation with carefully crafted words. We are equally willing to give as receive. That my dear friend is a rarity.

So tonight I want to urge all of you to recall or better still, have a conversation, that will make you smile, that you will remember for a long long time, or say something kind, generous or ultimately uplifting. That is a gift we all have the ability to give. Because we never know who might be in need of it. If you sense someone nursing a heart-break, tell them they are still precious. If someone is defeated, pick them up and say "you could be defeated alone, together we shall conquer". If you see someone unsure, hold their hands and say "individually you are alone, together we are a crowd". If you see someone at their worst, unkempt and deflated and you feel for them , look them in the eye and tell them "you are beautiful" with a twinkle. If you see a friend getting into trouble, tell them "chances are you will get screwed, we will laugh it off over some beer and peanuts. and If you see someone who has given up on love, tell them "I love you, now let's try and make you love you :) "

cheers :)

Chivalry isn't dead, it is just out of fashion :)

I now knight thee Sir Akash IV the Amazing.

That would have been my name had I been born in medieval times where chivalry was still in fashion. (although i wouldn't last a week you know given that i am so used to certain comforts like you know ipod, internet and boxers!). But the point being chivalry, and its definition in our times. It is super difficult to be chivalrous in our times. Don't believe me? Let us take a simple gesture and project it in different cases.

Case I: You are at a door and there is a girl with you. You push the door to let her through first. Chivalrous enough? Nope the door said pull and you end up looking like an ass.

Case II: You are at a door and there is a girl with you. You pull open the door to let her through first. This must be it, right? Wrong! She pushes the other door and walks in herself. Needless to say you still end up looking like an ass. :P

Case III: You are at a door and another girl is coming through. You open the door for her with your best smile, she walks off as if you are supposed to do that! OUCH!

Hence my friends, lets break those god damn doors! :D

But although the scope of embarrassing ourselves is immense I still believe in chivalry! Don't the women in our lives deserve some royal treatment? So here are a few simple steps to make you a knight in whatever armour you prefer, in our times. ;)

1. Open the door for a lady, and with confidence. (chances are she might be holding a handbag or handphone :P )

2. Offer them your seat if you can. (they take so much pain to look good for us men in heels! This is the least we can do for them)

3. Dress well while going out with them. (They appreciate the effort and it is disrespectful to dress up shabbily when with them! I know right! :P )

4. When you come across someone who is a feminist, respect her decision to carry her own stuff herself. (Usually they come with a temper..so avoid unplesant mother-sister abuses ;) )

5. It is not chivalrous to ogle at hot women, walk up to them and say it instead. (i kno i kno ogling is fun, but we are learning here so go do it!)

6. Avoid crude/toilet humour. (If you look like a prince (or a knight in this context!) and speak like dehati, somewhere in her mind the girl is saying, "you! yes you! keep quiet and just look pretty! :P)

7. Also try and not call your friends "bitch", "moti" , "pepsodent", "baal ki dukaan" you get the idea!

I realize almost all of us including myself do not follow these always. If you do then may be you might miss out on some fun. But hey! We all are gentlemen here. Let us try and behave like one!

and Ladies! next time a guy opens the door for you, graciously accept! Please do not burst into giggles! call them "pagal", or "abe hatt na"! :P after all we love you as girls, let us treat you like women! ;)

cheers!

DISCLAIMER: These incidents have NOT been lifted from my personal experiences but rather from observations.

I will dance for you...

This song always inspires me to get up and dance, create something inspiring every time and feel lucky for each single day I can dance because I am blessed. :)

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Flaws...

Flaws

I am comfortable with flaws. They exist in every one of us. We all believe it is an innate human trait to be flawed. Sometimes we hide our flaws, sometimes we embrace them and sometimes we even boast about them. What I fail to understand tonight is how far would I go to correct my flaws and in some cases those of my loved ones? It is human to be flawed, but the very basis of evolution says otherwise. We were designed to be the peak of evolutionary hierarchy through millions of years of trial and error. Therefore I sit and ponder tonight, It should be my prerogative to improve and be the best I can be. Right? However what if these are the very flaws that are constituent of me as a person. What if these flaws have endeared me to my loved ones? Now, for a role reversal! What if I want to get rid of the flaws of my friends? But that is the very flaw that defines them? What should I do? It’s a popular adage that “If you love someone, you love them with their flaws” I am wondering, what if I do not buy that, what if I want to love someone despite their flaws and then want to help them overcome their flaws? Is it logical? Or is it a sign of my “God Complex”? Given that I myself am not perfect, then is this a sign of hypocrisy if I want to make my friend the best he/she can be? Is it because advice given is easier than advice taken?

I have tried sometimes to point out flaws and almost always met with resistance. This confuses me. Aren’t my loved ones supposed to be their optimum with me? Is it not part of my job as a son/brother/boyfriend/friend to push them to be more? Or am I just taking the choreographer in me everywhere and he wants to get the perfection out of people? After much pondering I put myself in their shoes. Would I want anyone to constantly point out my flaws and push me to be better? Frankly I do not know. A control freak like me giving control to someone else.!! Alarms start going off everywhere. But then again have I found someone that I would like to give my reigns and allow myself to be vulnerable? That is surely not going to be easy for me. But one thing I will accept is I will aim to be better, even if it is pointed out by someone else. Because in spite of my flaws I cannot accept not making the effort to overcome them. Isn’t this the way it should be? Acceptance of flaws is human, it is noble even. But why stop there? I believe that is the first step. But for our own sake let it not be the last. We owe ourselves more than that, don’t we? Let’s take pride in being us. Yes flaws will always be there because man in not meant to be perfect. But he is almost bound to try. Hence I will keep trying. And I most definitely will be a little better than yesterday and a little flawed than tomorrow. I hope you do the same too.

:)